They say this is the question. What does that mean? I know right now it means do I engage in my day to day life or do I close the door to my room and stay in bed all day. For those of us running like mad women out there the day in bed sounds great until the reality sinks in and we realize that we aren't programmed to do that. Even though I am one of those women today I am not sure I should have forced myself out of bed. All it would take is one more thing and I am pretty sure I would choose to not be in this life any more. I am not saying death I am just saying a different life. Leave, change, start over. I don't know where I would end up and knowing would take away the appeal of the choice to leave.
The thing I am glad to realize is that I still know all of this is choice. I know I have the choice to leave or stay. I am still choosing to stay. I hope that speaks to my commitment to my life. This brings me to the real truth of this post. The truth about love is that it is not romance, it is not really even a feeling. Love is a verb. (I know some really well written man wrote an amazing post about this on his blog and it is being liked by a million men and women all over facebook) Today I am choosing to commit to my life. I am choosing to stay.
I think the hardest part about staying isn't that I think there might be something better out there. The hardest part about staying is that I know is staying I am not in charge of my course. My life is tied to the life I am staying in. No matter how hard I try I can't guarantee the out come I want so desperately. The ability to make things happen is something that defines me. People have told me over the years that they know that if I make up my mind on something they know it will happen. I didn't know when I tied myself to this life that meant not being able to rely on that skill. I still choose to stay. I am willing giving all that I am so that I can no longer be an I but that I can be part of a WE and that WE has its own identity, talents and future. I choose to let that WE make its own life, it own future. I don't know if that WE has answered the question to be or not to be. I have. I am part of this WE.
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